Ice Planet Barbarians by Ruby Dixon

Reviewed by Sam!

What I drank prior: ok so I’ve had like 3 glasses of wine and 3 beers – work happy hour meets Parker drinking night.

Goodreads Overview:

You’d think being abducted by aliens would be the worst thing that could happen to me. And you’d be wrong. Because now, the aliens are having ship trouble, and they’ve left their cargo of human women – including me – on an ice planet.

And the only native inhabitant I’ve met? He’s big, horned, blue, and really, really has a thing for me…

Drunk Overview: Very annoying how hyped this book series was, but basically this chick, Georgie, gets abducted by aliens with a bunch of other women her age. Then on their way to wherever they were supposed to go, something happens and so the aliens dispose of their extra “cargo” (the women) on a scary ice planet. Georgie is tapped to go exploring where Vektal (a blue alien) finds her and straight up Twilight imprints on her and things get weird from there.

Spoiler-free Thoughts: This book was not good friends, not even like, a guilty pleasure. It’s really just bad. I’ll tell you why below.

Characters: So Georgie is… an “independent woman” who gets kidnapped. Somehow she ends up “in charge.” Look I’m gonna end up air quoting this whole thing because this book is legit ridiculous. So because she’s “in charge” she goes exploring, and ends up getting saved by Vektal. We also get his perspective and i feel like this author was trying to make him seem more alien with his perspective but he 100% was not. He just seemed creepy. He was immediately toxically protective and sexist. He immediately was like “oh look a breeding tool” which again, author thought was that that would be taken as alien and not creepy AF. Didn’t land for me.

Plot: Ok so like. The plot of this was basically, creepy alien “saves” a chick, then saves her friends, all while falling “in love.” The first sexy time is literally while she’s asleep Vektal gives her head (which is literal rape, btw) and she comes and she’s not mad about that? like literally what? I couldn’t get past that at all ever. The entire book was ruined by this imprinting that led to rape. Sorry friends. I don’t care if his tongue had ridges that made her quiver it was RAPE. The rest of the plot was literally not existent. “Save” the chicks. They repay the aliens by procreating. Cool cool cool.

Writing Style: If you get rid of the rape, then fine, the sexy times were fine. But because of that, I couldn’t get riled up at all.

World Building: THIS is what interests me most. And I don’t think this surprises anyone. Where did the OG aliens come from? Why do they want women? Where di the blue ones come from? Why did THEY end up there? LITERALLY I HAVE SOM ANY QUESTIONS

What to pair it with: The most overrated bitch drink there is… a sex on the beach. They’re super sweet, don’t have much alcohol, leave much to be wanted, and give you a headache in the morning.

Rating: .5 / 5 shots

Until next time, we remain forever drunkenly yours,
Sam