As much as I’m a reader, I’m a lush and an extrovert, and to that end, there are few things more important to me than having good drankin’ partners. I have a few, obvi (via an extensive, not entirely legal vetting process) but in true ENFP fashion, would love to add to it. Particularly if they came from lit, not real life.so it we’re like lit lit, or lit lit or something. Find 5 you say?! Deal, bih:
Mat Cauthon– Mat somehow managed to be the comic relief for 14 books aka like 4.5 million words of wordsmithng that was Wheel of Time. Early on he was a cute lil prankster type troublemaker, and by the time he’s spoilersing with all those spoilers, fuggin rolling the dice to spoil that major spoiler, he had long since cemented his place on this list. I don’t gamble, but Mat, uh, DOES, lol, and I’d kick it with my man, getting my lap sat on by bar maids in a dusty tavern for long nights and many nights both, talking endless shit before skedaddle-staggering away before a fight breaks out. Literally Ideal.
What we drinking? Idk some mead or some shit, or an ale, which is to say, all of the mead and all of the ale.
Cheers to: The greatest Amrilyn Seat ever to live. Cue quivering lip.
Uncle Neville: Big Unc Neville is part of Sierra’s reinforcements in DJ Older’s Shadowshaper Cyper, the protagonist’s play-uncle, and one muhfucka you don’t want problems with EPSECIALLY if he thinks you’re trying to hurt his family. Uncle Neville is the caddy-riding, spliff-smoking, shotty-in-the-trunk-and-shooters-on-call type guy I wanna buy a round for just on GP, so that when shit pops off he looks at me real quick and dismisses me as a good guy from around the way at worst, and at best knows I’ll have his back. This is SIGNIFICANTLY better than the alternative. Les yikes.
What we drinking? Maker’s neat
Cheers to: The boss-level young women that we’ve seen grow up unapologetically, authentically, and wholly themselves. We can’t always protect them, and indeed we shouldn’t, but clinkies to being here when they need us. Chuuch.
Kitai: Kitai from Codex Alera is on this list purely for platonic reasons, because, uh, I repsct her ability to wield bladed and bludgeon weapons of all kinds, her shrewd battlefield tactics, and her penchant for Android18-esque, lowkey Serena at the Aussie Open, soaring, hurricane inducing, boss battles around an active volcano. Dassit. Why else would I want to drink with an athletic 5’11 slightly goofy foreign warrior with green eyes and hopefully a latex allergy? Psh. Dummies.
What we drinking? Hennessy, for the rounds.
The jackal- it’s easy to severely dislike the jackal if you’ve read Red Rising or its sequels. Best case scenario, he’s a manipulative twat. One thing the bastard does well is party though. In my ideal apex drankin’ experience with the Jackal, we eschew all the slavery shit and just go do karaoke on a tropical moon island on his dollar. You know he knows the littest of the random colloquial central-lunar-American mixed drinks, Cachaça a la meteor and whatnot.
What we drinking? Top-shelf martian underground moonshine, for the irony.
Cheers to: young Darrow and the Revolution
I had been a reader long before I met eddie dean in the second Dark Tower novel, drawing of the three, but it was then that I first felt a real longing to be or be like a character. Eddie dean was a big brother figure that I never had and the bad influence that I didn’t need (and, I’m realizing now, maybe became? #oops???). Eddie Cantor Dean had a huge heart and a bigger substance abuse problem, and he used /overcame all that to help Roland fight the Crimson King and save the Tower. that’s a winning combo in my eyes, ya feel?
What we drinking? Rail tequila shots. Cuz you know why I’m here, and what I came here to do.
Cheers to: my late Uncle Carlton, my dad’s baby brother, who gave me a box set of Dark Tower books 1-3, when I was 11. They were my first favorite books. You’re the reason I’ve been able to find solace between these pale and dusty eaves, Unc, and I can’t thank you enough for all the gifts you’ve given me. Salud!