Hey guys, time for another joint post…
|Sam’s Review||Parker’s Review|
|What I drank prior: so it’s a Doctor night and the first one in several weeks so I’ve had at least 7 beers if not more. Probably more like 8. Not the drunkest I’ve ever been but it’s enough to write.
Spoiler-free Overview: Okay so I like to say this is Hogwarts but for assassins. Let me start by saying this is def an adult book. Like within the first 10 pages there’s graphic sex. There’s this chick, don’t wanna tell you her name because it’s a super cool mystery, and she wants to be an assassin to revenge her family after they were brutally murdered. The dad was murdered cause he was tryna rebel against an oppresive government. So she goes to this school to be taught shit about killin other folk. Mysteries evolve. Adventures happen. etc etc.
Plot: Okay, so the plot was awesome. It dragged a bit in the middle. I was so enthralled in the mystery that the education bit was boring. But DAMN it was good. I started by tweeting that I wanted a fucking shadow cat that followed me around and taught me things. Jay was like “Are you sure?” I’m like DUH! but that then made me super skeptical. (YES JAY MOTHERFUCKING KRISTOFF REPLIED TO ME. This is not a drill) But the plot twist was not a joke. I was legitimately surprised. And with all the fantasy I read, that’s hard to do. I cannot wait to find out what happens to chick.
Writing Style: This book was gorgeous. Legitimately gorgeous. The first 11 pages of this book are mirrored. Like the events that happen in the present are mirrored in what happens in th past and it’s beautiful. I was immediately immersed in the stroy but ONLY because of the writing. It was beatuiful. He describes things so uniquely that it’s never hard to even imagine what’s going on.
Characters: Alright. I L-O-V-E-D the characters. They were so well thought out and brilliant. Even the ones that didn’t matter I cared about. And the ones that DID matter, holy fuck, i needed them to be ok. Legit. Needed.
Also, minor side note: Jay legit understands what its like to go through quitting smoking. Not like I’ve tried and failed that before……
World Building: I know this isn’t part of our usual style but I felt the need to put it in here. Jay decides that he wants to build his world through footnotes. When the narrator brings up something out of context, the author puts in these footnotes that are both hysterical and beautiful at the same time. I felt like I was learning so much more about the world through the footnotes. It helps with the “telling” v. “showing” conflict that authors have. Jay “tells” in the most interesting way.
Side note: the footnotes are also hysterical. the end.
I WANT A MOTHERFUCKING SHADOW CAT. I really legitimately didn’t see the plot twist with the sister coming. And for all the god damn fantasy I read I should have seen it but I didnt. Well done.
Also, I was SO MAD when Tric died. I mean, he was kinda useless despite the SUPER SMOKIN HOT SEX SCENES, but I loved him all the same.
Also, REALLY wanted the leader of the fuggin cult, Cassius (?) maybe? I’m drunk, I wanted him to live. I wanted him to teach her what she was so that she could be even more fuggin badass.
Also, I think the blood teleports were really terrifying. The healer girl who was the sister of blood-teleporter-dude was also motherfucking terifying.
Rating: 5/5 Shots DUH. I want literally every adult to read this book.
What to pair it with: A cigarette (obviously) and your favorite beer. Not just your favorite beer but whatever you WANT from your favorite beer. THAT BEER is the one you need to drink with this book.
|What I drank: infinite bud lights out of a tardis cup and a lot of blood. So when Sam told me that she found the fantasy novel that she, “had been waiting for”, I obvi had to read it and boy, was she right as hell. Nevernight by Jay Kristoff is smart and action packed and hot and muhfuggin magical.
Spoiler free overview: Our lil protagonista is a BAWSE. Some traumatic events from her childhood have given her the fuel she needs to do just about anything. Anything, in this case, involves training to be a part of a super secret religious sect . this sect is normal. Her initiation was to bring the teeth of a man she killed to this sacred temple in the desert as a tithe. Casual. Yanno, they hide from the three suns which are always visisble, (such explains the title, no?) and, wait for it, they are fucking assassin ninjas. Who do, like magic (Ok so they don’t “DO” magic, but they employ some like blood magicians. And these people can heal any wound of the flesh and have a blood toilet-instant transport-thingamabob in the basement that I fully recommend 11/10 must try.)If you’re thinking, “wow, that sounds like howgarts kinda!” you right, except this school is way more stabby and all the professors are Snapes (rip), and there’s a class on blowjobs. Even among such interesting characters, our lil lady stands out. Over and over, people tell her, that she “doesn’t belong” for a bunch of reasons, including that she can like control the night and shadows like an extenson of her own hand. Whatever. Nbd. Regardless this novels iteration of the young bae’s coming of age is exquisite. She lives, she learns, she cums and the plot remains impossible to forecast regardless. WILL our heroine avenge the treatment of her family by the corrupt state monarch? Will she find time to love her fellow orphan and smouldering look-giver, Tric, in an environment that is designed to sharpen her to a blade? Is she a squirter? Read and find out, idjit.
Writing Style: Kristoff’s universe is well planned and thoughtgul. This isn’t really a surprise, considering how I felt about his series with aMie Kaufmann. However he does tremendous work with the physical page in order to sufficiently draw us in. what does he use? FEREEKING FOOTNOTES. They range VASTLY in size, importance anf frequency, and heyre like lil annotations for the entirety of the novel. Also important to me was the pace of this novel. it didn’t have a traditional plot structure. Instead we really built up and up and up throughout the bulk of the work. By the time I was ¾ of the way through I was reading by intertia. I plummeted toward the conclusion of the novel at terminal velocity and the splash at my impact was quite the satisfying collision
What it rates: bruh like 5/5 Margaritas on rocks w/salt read on the beach under the sun’s unending rays. Know that you may burn but that the heat your skin makes will light your boo’s skin up like a lantern later that night. Take a sexond gulp and read that second chapter.
What to pair it with: a red red, blood red wine in a glass deep enough to step into