DRUNK REVIEW: The Kiss Quotient by Helen Hoang

the kiss quotient

The Kiss Quotient by Helen Hoang

It’s Linz on two of my fave topics, romance novels and asian representation. ENJOY.


A heartwarming and refreshing debut novel that proves one thing: there’s not enough data in the world to predict what will make your heart tick.

Stella Lane thinks math is the only thing that unites the universe. She comes up with algorithms to predict customer purchases — a job that has given her more money than she knows what to do with, and way less experience in the dating department than the average thirty-year-old.

It doesn’t help that Stella has Asperger’s and French kissing reminds her of a shark getting its teeth cleaned by pilot fish. Her conclusion: she needs lots of practice — with a professional. Which is why she hires escort Michael Phan. The Vietnamese and Swedish stunner can’t afford to turn down Stella’s offer, and agrees to help her check off all the boxes on her lesson plan — from foreplay to more-than-missionary position…

Before long, Stella not only learns to appreciate his kisses, but to crave all the other things he’s making her feel. Soon, their no-nonsense partnership starts making a strange kind of sense. And the pattern that emerges will convince Stella that love is the best kind of logic…

From Goodreads

What I drank: omg so much wine w Sam and Minda but we have BIG blog plans coming up. HUGE. (Editor’s Note: YUGE ~Sam)

What it’s about: Stella is 30 and mathy and makes eff-you money, but struggles with aspergers and getting intimate with dudes, so she hires a male escort like you do and makes a getting-better-at-sexy-times plan like you do. Michael is stupid hot and needs the escorting money, but legit catches feelings and also he has drama.

Like sigh ok this is real tuff. I liked this book. I LIKED this book. I wanted to LOVE this book and I can’t. It’s a cute rom-com, the sex scenes are RLY good, and michael is a mostly excellent, developd character (he has some weird possessive caveman tendencies but shrug). I love that Stella is 30 and has a STEM carer and is stupid wealth and has this struggle with how her aspergers shouldnt rule her life. I love that Michael is half asian and this super sexy love interest, bc asian men can be viable love interests, HOLLYWOOD. AND SOCIETY. There are many wonderful qualities, BUT there are two things that too me out of rhe fantasy.

ONE. theres aLOT of work put into descrbing Michel. He is a stupid hot half-vietnamese dude who looks like some asian actor and also he has a sweet dragon tattoo, and hes super close with his mom and theres drama with his dad and he has all these sisters. And then stella…has parents, and also she is an econometrician (BOOM SPELLED IT) and has aspergrs. But the author spent so much time explaining and describing Stella’s aspergers (tobefair she does an excellent job handling that)she forgot to, say, give stella an ethnicity. (Note – I looked it up and I’m 100% not the only person who feels that way; it’s bad enough that Hoang refers to the issue in an article.) And it shouldnt matter but it kinda. Does? Esp when so much attention is given to Michaels ethnicity

The case of the missing character description. We know the following about stella
– brown eyes
– dark hair, maybe brown?
– real skinny
-fair skin? I think I read shes fair skinned
– lives in Cali and has somehow never had asian food. And not just never had vietnamese, shes apparently never had thai???? So, I call BS bc you’re surrounded by all the various asian cuisnes in cali and at 30 YOUVE NEVER HAD ANY IF IT ONCE. This is only a modicm real if shes not asian since asian ppl…well, are more open to eating pan-asian. (In my fam, we never just have Filipino food, we have chinese, maybe some korean bbq.)

and this is why stella is prob white. Case closed..


NUMERO DOS. So very early on, stella explains to Michael how shes “bad at sex” and her past encounters, and how dudes would give up trying to pleasure her, and just bang her out, but it was uncomfortable and unwanted, and shed just lay there wanting it to be over…. and they didnt seem to care? It felt really, less “bad sex” and more borderline rapey? and I started getting really stressed that she didnt understand that.



What I gave it: 3 stars

what I pair it w: Imma junkie for those lemon ginger selzters from trader joes and i mixed some with some vodka recently, and you know what, I wanted to love it but i only liked it so there you go.



4 thoughts on “DRUNK REVIEW: The Kiss Quotient by Helen Hoang

  1. Pingback: Need-to-Follow Book Bloggers (ft. 2019 Book Blogger Awards) – Shut up, Shealea

  2. Pingback: The Kiss Quotient by Helen Hoang – Sometimes Leelynn Reads

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